Suffice to say my wife was not ready for this. She went from having 10/11 hours of sublime isolation during each of five days a week to no time alone at all. The ensuing overload tended to upset her a little bit (understatement noted). It is also important to note that things in the house I had never noticed before soon became major points of personal irritation. My spouse was accustomed to being free to do whatever she wanted, whenever, especially around the house. Having me around the house put a crimp in those activities whether real or only perceived. It’s not that she actually needed to do things differently but that she felt as though she needed to do so. Needless to say, this perceived intrusion on her freedom soon became a source of contention.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder…” is not only an adage but a proven
absolute around our house. My wife and I are basically loners by nature. We operate just fine with a minimum of interaction with others. With me gone at work for a good chunk of most days our “get together” time was both appreciated and needed. With me home every day there were some periods where we both just wanted to get away for awhile.
absolute around our house. My wife and I are basically loners by nature. We operate just fine with a minimum of interaction with others. With me gone at work for a good chunk of most days our “get together” time was both appreciated and needed. With me home every day there were some periods where we both just wanted to get away for awhile. When I was gone most of the day there were a goodly number of little things that I didn’t “see” or that I just dismissed from my conscious thought processes. Once homebound some of those same things became a source of near constant irritation. In addition, we tended to travel together every time we needed something outside the house. I am a “buyer”. I know what I want, I go in, get it, pay for it, and get out. I also, for the most part, tend to only purchase those things we actually need. My wife is a “shopper”. She likes perusing a good bit of the content of each and every store whether we intend to buy anything or not, she enjoys spending time while shopping. She also tends to purchase “goodies” above and beyond what we need or can use, e.g., we already have two kinds of bread and a package of cookies in the cart to which she will add a package of cinnamon twists, along with a bakery box of mixed apple fritters and eclairs.
We have both needed to accommodate to our partner’s differing needs. For example, when we go together I will gladly sit out in the car with my coffee and a good book while my spouse spends whatever unrushed time shopping. When she goes by herself she limits her purchases to only one trivial thing beyond what is truly needed. If it’s something big or expensive she calls.
Out of everything that has happened since that “magic” day making the adjustment(s) for new and in some cases upsetting personal/shared space issues has proved to be the most challenging and disaster prone. I’m glad to say we are finally managing it though. …03/13/11