The Vacuum Effect

  Driving down the highway heading for a Mexican Food lunch in the next town; the speed limit is 55 MPH and I, like everyone else, am traveling at 65 MPH. Soon I am slowed to 52 MPH by a medium sized Japanese car who’s driver is only recognized by the halo of grey hair framing the seat headrest. After several miles of a rocking-chair-like surging between 47 and 55 MPH we soon reach a section of road with a good long passing lane. Accelerate, flick the turn signal, pull out into the oncoming lane and watch first the trunk, then the passenger compartment, and finally the hood of the slower vehicle move backwards in my passenger side window. Steadily accelerating, I watch for the “Grey Panther” mobile to begin appearing in my rear view mirror; 65 MPH, 69 MPH, 72 MPH, still no car visible!
Quickly checking the passenger side mirror I note the Senior Citizen and his ride are glued to my right rear fender while a glance at my speedometer registers 77 MPH! I grab a much larger chunk of gas pedal and as I cross 90 MPH I finally see this race track wannabe appear behind me. Click the turn signal the other way, move back into the right lane, observe Grandpa and his ride rapidly move farther and farther behind me as I gradually slow to a “normal” 65 MPH.
  Knowing full well that no one would purposefully try to keep a passing car from getting around, I can only surmise that the “Geezermobile” somehow became trapped in the huge vacuum vortex I was dragging behind me, caused by failure to put my tailgate down into the approved horizontal position. My obvious negligence almost certainly caused this Knight of the local highways to be sucked along at terrifying speeds that both he and his vehicle had probably never seen heretofore.
  I briefly considered going back to apologize for my brutish behavior but, instead decided to go directly to the nearest auto parts store to purchase and install an open mesh tailgate to forestall visiting this terrifying event on any other unsuspecting Senior Citizen. Were we all as concerned for our fellow drivers there would be many fewer incidents upon our highways. 7/28/06